Why Women Love Emotionally Available Men (And Why Emotionally Unavailable Men Just Don’t Get It)

"Women Like Emotionally Available Men? Shocking. Groundbreaking. Never Been Done Before.”

Do you know what I love? What puts the biggest, most satisfied, Cheshire cat grin on my face every single time I see it?

When emotionally stunted men watch, in stunned disbelief, as the incredible women they once fumbled go on to build deeply fulfilling, happy lives with partners who actually get it.  

The kind of men who wouldn’t recognize the concept of “casual love” if it smacked them in the face. The kind of men who show up, who communicate, who love fully, fearlessly, and unapologetically.

Because, little known fact, every time a woman starts dating an emotionally available man, a fairy is born. (Scientific fact!)

And to the men who let radiant, intelligent, creative, beautiful women slip through their fingers simply because they had the emotional depth of a crushed cornflake, watch them as they sit in the agony of their own self-inflicted loss? That, my friends, is nothing short of poetic justice.

“Bro, you lost her over something that was completely avoidable and completely within your wheelhouse to change?”. Sensational. 

The Myth of the “Nice Guy” vs. Reality

There’s an old joke that women say they want a “nice guy” but always end up choosing the emotionally unavailable bad boy instead. But let’s be real for a moment, was that ever actually true? Outside of our beloved (and deeply unrealistic) romantic comedies? Don’t get me wrong, anything with Mathew McConaughey as a romantic lead in a delusional love triangle, I am ready to eat UP. However, I digress.

Because when I look at the women around me who are thriving in strong, loving, healthy relationships, you know what I see? I see communication. I see trust. I see vulnerability.

And lurking in the shadows like a crusty, emotionally repressed Nosferatu? The bitter, resentful men who just didn’t get it in time. Sorry, my guy, but ya fumbled it. Hard.

So, to answer your question Nosferatu, why did she end up with him? Lemme tell you why women LOVE emotionally available men.

They are masters in communication. 

There is nothing more attractive than a man who can articulate his feelings. It’s like finding an oasis in a dry, dating desert.

An emotionally available man can talk about his emotions & listen to yours without embodying it as criticism. He is able to engage with her in a way that talks to her softest parts, reveals his own vulnerabilities. He doesn’t take your concerns or fears as an attack but understands that emotions are meant to be shared, not suppressed. He responds in a way that doesn’t end in an argument or a fist through the drywall.

Meanwhile, his emotionally stunted counterpart?

Akin to 6 year old child when you put them in time out. “I guess I’m just the worst man to ever exist, huh?!”

Damn, John, I was just trying to tell you that it hurt my feelings when you got drunk and trashed my birthday, but sure, go ahead and make this about you instead. 

And that takes me onto my next very important point. 

They make women feel safe & secure

Emotional availability signals security: both emotional and, often, physical. When a man is in touch with his feelings, he’s more likely to be a supportive, dependable partner rather than a walking red flag. He won’t gaslight you. He won’t shut down when you need him. He’ll show up when it matters most with patience, with open arms, and with a willingness to understand.

And let’s be clear about one thing. Stability is sexy. Vulnerability is sexy. Personal growth is sexy. Am I right, ladies?

And when a man is emotionally available, he’s invested. He’s not just there for the highlight reel moments; he’s there for the everyday, the mundane, and even the ugly-crying-over-everything-and-anything nights. That’s the kind of deep connection women crave. It’s like heroin to us. We get a whiff of emotional stability, feeling heard and validated and we sniff it out till we get our hands on you wondrous men.

Why women get the “Ick’ with men who have deserted their emotions.

Emotionally unavailable men tend to view emotions as a liability rather than an asset. They’ve been conditioned to believe that vulnerability equals weakness (boo, patriarchy!), when in reality, it’s their greatest strength, especially when it comes to relationships.

Women crave emotional depth, but these men are still stuck in “cool, mysterious, and emotionally detached” mode. Ew, David, your 30 and your receding hair line has more of a chance of finding it’s way back to your temple than you do of wooing a woman through being emotionally drab. Get on board.

“Oh, you’re nonchalant?” Guess what sucker, ALL WOMEN ARE CHALANT AS FUCK.

We feel things deeply, we have zest for life, our relationships with our nearest and dearest are deep, meaningful and full of love. Why do you think your relationship with her would be any different? It ain’t.

The biggest irony? Emotionally unavailable men often don’t even realize they’re emotionally unavailable. They often operate on autopilot, dodging emotional intimacy without even noticing. It’s ingrained in them & then they wonder why their relationships fizzle out and blame “bad timing”, “emotional women” or my personal favorite “she was a crazy bitch” when in reality, it’s their own lack of emotional depth keeping them from experiencing real love.

“Are You an Emotionally Stunted Man? Call 118-Therapy Today & Become The Man Who’s Dating Every One of Your Ex’s”

Fear not though, my man, redemption is possible. Therapy is an absolutely beautiful tool to help dismantle all that super yucky patriarchal nonsense that sits in your brain telling you feeling your emotions isn’t cool. And if therapy isn’t accessible to you right now?

Start small. Just talk. For the love of Jesus, Mary & Joseph, just start talking.

Talk to your partner, a friend, a family member. Someone you wholeheartedly trust and have an honest conversation about real feelings, not just surface-level updates. And I cannot stress this enough, push through the uncomfortable feelings. Sit in those awkward, uncomfy & possibly painful moments because I can tell you from personal experience, it’s worth it.

You know, I once dated a man for six years, six whole years – who, in his thirty years of life, had never had a meaningful, emotional conversation with his own mother. Not once. It took me two years to convince him it was a good idea. And when he finally did? He called me, over the moon, saying how incredible it was. How impactful and meaningful it had been to talk about all those uncomfortable things after 2 decades.Who would’ve guessed? (Oh, right—literally every woman ever.)

 (Don’t even come for me on how many aura points I lost for waiting 2 years for a man to have a conversion with his mother, I’m talking about hard earned experience here ..)

And if talking is beyond you, I say this with the utmost sincerity. Listen to some girl-centric music. I swear to fucking god, spend a couple of hours listening to a Sabrina Carpenter or Taylor Swift album and I mean, listen. 

There's a reason every woman, including your girlfriend LOVES them. They write music about being a girl in love and they are literally giving you the answers in their songs, you just have to listen and understand them. Consider it a free cheat sheet for understanding the female psyche. Plus, you may become a Swiftie in the process. Your welcome, bro.

What men can learn from their emotionally available counterpart

Emotional connection is one of the most powerful factors in long-term attraction. When a man is emotionally open, he becomes someone a woman can trust, rely on, and truly love. That’s what makes them so irresistible.

Women aren’t asking for a man who cries watching The Notebook or writes poetry under the moonlight (though that would be a nice bonus). They just want a partner who isn’t afraid of their own emotions. Someone who can talk, listen, and actually be present in the relationship. 

And if you made it to the bottom, read all my hard earnt experience and wisdom and you are still thinking “there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m not the problem. I’m FINE”

Here’s the blunt truth that women don’t tell you because we are considerate, we are demure, we are mindful:

Emotionally unavailable men aren’t just frustrating. They’re a turn off. 

There I said it. 

Your girlfriend isn’t going to want to fuck you if you cannot reach into your boy brain and pull out some compassion, empathy and patience. 

Simple as.

Until then, ladies, keep your standards high and your emotional radar on because the right man will always be connected.

And for the girlies that need to hear it, dump that emotionally constipated boy, work on yourself and you’ll find yourself the empathetic Pedro Pascal of your dreams. 

Trust me.